The Murder

It was my plan at one point to become a high school teacher, primarily because I have never believed that my dream of being a writer could ever be a reality. But being here in college, here with incredible, supportive professors and friends, I have come to the point where I have actually started believing that my dream could be a reality. But I have also learned something else, and this reality has struck me very hard within the past week. I have realized that, for many years, I have been trying to turn myself into someone I’m not, never believing that the real me could ever be accepted…by anyone. I have always believed that my dreams must always stay dreams and that the real me is someone only I can appreciate, someone who must stay behind closed doors, hidden from public view. I was really reflecting on this problem this afternoon, which, in turn, inspired this new poem. I haven’t quite figured everything out, and changing my behavior, learning to love and appreciate who I really am, will take time, but I know now that, at least, I need to start letting the real me shine. And while I’m working on that, I hope you enjoy this poem.

——————

The Murder

I have a secret I’ll never tell;
A secret sin, I know it well.
With ebbing life and crimson flow,
With painful death, I surely know,
My only victim you will find:
A girl of strength of heart and mind,
A girl of laughter, a girl with fears,
One who smiles despite her tears.
What makes her special I dare not know.
I resolve to kill her so she won’t grow.
I fear her laughter, I fear her pain;
I fear to know what people say;
What they might say if they saw her true,
I fear to know what they would do.
And so I kill her so they won’t see
The girl that lives inside of me.
I fear to let the real Me shine,
Yet still for her I yet will pine.
I’ve caged her up, I’ve gagged her face;
I’ve starved her soul, I’ve murdered her grace.
I’ve done all that I know I can
To hide her from the world of man,
Hoping that I never will see
The day when someone rejects Me.

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2 thoughts on “The Murder

  1. It takes courage to live an authentic life, especially if people around you tell you that your dreams are not possible. My view is that anything is possible if you want it hard enough and you are willing to pay the price to achieve it. Just make sure what you want is worth the price.

  2. I agree with Glen, being the real you is something that I think everyone struggles with, but the fact you realize that you have been hiding it is a great step in the right direction, also realizing it will take time to be able to accept. You’re poem is beautiful and I think really reflects what goes on when someone tries to hide who they really are! I hope that you continue to show people the real you because it’s pretty awesome.

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